Just for the Record ...
If one more person tells me that he/she is "happy for me" or asks "am I excited" about the upcoming nightmarish surgical plan, I am going to scream. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Am I glad that the leg can be repaired? Yes.
Am I determined to have the surgery? Yes.
Resigned to it? Yes.
EXCITED about it? Are you kidding?!?
You see, I've had too many of these things and am too well acquainted with the many horrors and humiliations of a major surgery. I know how weak and helpless I will feel when I get back, and how arduous the climb back out of the hole will be. Also, I have to carefully plan and coordinate things for everyone here while I am gone -- and that's no small job when I AM home, let alone for a long absence. I have to fill out mountains of paperwork, and chase down referrals and clearance forms for my PCP, specialists, and even my dentist. (And there's NO telling what I'll have to have done to get clearance there. It probably won't help to start out by telling him that I have been to the dentist about four times in my whole life, and that the only time I have seen him was to have a tooth surgically extracted about a year ago. I am a terrible dental chicken!)
Anyway, all of the above is severely complicated by the fact that I feel terrible right now. My energy is low, I'm running a low-grade temp, the cough is constant, and my voice is only a harsh whisper. It makes the whole thing take on a surreal, hazy feeling. It just all seems so impossible right now.
Here's a happy note: I went to see Dr. Crawford this morning about my port. He was able to flush it on the second try, and says that there's nothing wrong with it. (He won't admit it, but the thing sits in there nearly sideways. It takes a long needle, a steady hand, and a lot of luck to hit it just right.)
If you want to do something nice for me, please PRAY that I will get over this sinus/upper respiratory infection so that I can enjoy Easter and the rest of spring break, and so that I can tackle all of the things on my giant to-do list.
Thanks, as always!
Am I glad that the leg can be repaired? Yes.
Am I determined to have the surgery? Yes.
Resigned to it? Yes.
EXCITED about it? Are you kidding?!?
You see, I've had too many of these things and am too well acquainted with the many horrors and humiliations of a major surgery. I know how weak and helpless I will feel when I get back, and how arduous the climb back out of the hole will be. Also, I have to carefully plan and coordinate things for everyone here while I am gone -- and that's no small job when I AM home, let alone for a long absence. I have to fill out mountains of paperwork, and chase down referrals and clearance forms for my PCP, specialists, and even my dentist. (And there's NO telling what I'll have to have done to get clearance there. It probably won't help to start out by telling him that I have been to the dentist about four times in my whole life, and that the only time I have seen him was to have a tooth surgically extracted about a year ago. I am a terrible dental chicken!)
Anyway, all of the above is severely complicated by the fact that I feel terrible right now. My energy is low, I'm running a low-grade temp, the cough is constant, and my voice is only a harsh whisper. It makes the whole thing take on a surreal, hazy feeling. It just all seems so impossible right now.
Here's a happy note: I went to see Dr. Crawford this morning about my port. He was able to flush it on the second try, and says that there's nothing wrong with it. (He won't admit it, but the thing sits in there nearly sideways. It takes a long needle, a steady hand, and a lot of luck to hit it just right.)
If you want to do something nice for me, please PRAY that I will get over this sinus/upper respiratory infection so that I can enjoy Easter and the rest of spring break, and so that I can tackle all of the things on my giant to-do list.
Thanks, as always!
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