Happy New Year!

I'm the eternal optimist, and I truly have hope that 2008 may be a better year for us.

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The track record of the past few years hasn't been great:

2004 - Surgical biopsy in June revealed that numerous (read: inoperable) tumors in both lungs were LMS. Stopped working in August due to my deteriorating health. Stopped driving due to worsening, undiagnosable leg pain.

2005 - Crippling leg pain caused by LMS led to shattered femur in June, followed by spinal tumors that rendered me paralyzed from the waist down on December 26th. (Merry day-after-Christmas to me!)

2006 - After spending FIVE months bedridden from the spinal tumors, I slowly regained use of my legs and bladder/bowel control after radiation and surgery. Started chemo in September.

2007 - Chemo until mid-February, when we learned that the cancer had fractured my hip. Major surgeries in April (hip/femur), August (spinal tumors were back with a vengeance), and October (giant neck tumor and super-painful tongue surgery). Radiation for dangerous lung tumors in May.

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SOOOO -- this means we are surely due for a kinder, gentler year. Right? I know the odds are against it, but it could happen. I don't want to give up on the possibility of a cure, or a successful chemo regimen, or even a downright miracle ... I cling to it, the tiny glimmer of light that leads me through the difficult days and the demanding treatments and all of those dark, desperate nights when the fear overwhelms me and I sit on the side of the bed trying to coax myself to keep going and to NEVER GIVE UP.

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If I lose this dream, what will I have left?

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Welcome, 2008! Here's hoping, for all of us ...

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:-) Sharon

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P.S. -- Yes, I have faith that God is 100% in control of everything that happens. This is a tremendous comfort to me in dark times. However, faith in God is no absolver of suffering. Look at Job ...