So Much Sorrow!
I've taken a spell lately where I can hardly bear to hear or read or see anything sad. For a long time now, I've steadfastly avoided anything overtly sad -- movies, songs, books. But I can't avoid sad things in real life!
Today, we saw a bird carrying what looked like a piece of orange peel in her mouth as she flew across a busy road. A car startled her, and she dropped it. For some reason, this really bothered me. Don pointed out that she probably went back for it after the cars cleared, and then I felt a little better.
Yesterday, I learned that one of my dearest, tried-and-true, always-there-when-you-need-her friends has cancer on her thyroid. She is going to have her thyroid removed and has been told that her type of cancer is very treatable, usually with excellent results. Still, I am devastated. She is taking the news well, with complete faith that it's in God's hands and just wanting the surgery as soon as possible. I'm really proud of her attitude. I, on the other hand, just can't seem to shake the "it's not fair" feeling on her behalf.
As a whole, I just can't seem to handle sorrow any more. I've never been able to bear seeing someone's obvious vulnerability. It always bothers me in ball games or other contests that both sides want it so badly, and yet there has to be a loser as well as a winner.
This carries over into my personal outlook on life. I avoid conflict whenever possible. When I was healthy, I always tried to be extremely self-sufficient so that I did not need to depend on other people, giving them the opportunity to disappoint me. This is impossible now, of course, and sometimes I get really depressed about the fact that I require so much daily assistance. It hurts my feelings terribly when someone is hateful to me about something that I need, and then I get angry because I am so helpless.
I need some happy news. I need for things to go well for us for a while. I need to feel hopeful, or maybe even downright carefree, even if it's just for day.
Maybe I just need spring to come ...
:-) Sharon
Today, we saw a bird carrying what looked like a piece of orange peel in her mouth as she flew across a busy road. A car startled her, and she dropped it. For some reason, this really bothered me. Don pointed out that she probably went back for it after the cars cleared, and then I felt a little better.
Yesterday, I learned that one of my dearest, tried-and-true, always-there-when-you-need-her friends has cancer on her thyroid. She is going to have her thyroid removed and has been told that her type of cancer is very treatable, usually with excellent results. Still, I am devastated. She is taking the news well, with complete faith that it's in God's hands and just wanting the surgery as soon as possible. I'm really proud of her attitude. I, on the other hand, just can't seem to shake the "it's not fair" feeling on her behalf.
As a whole, I just can't seem to handle sorrow any more. I've never been able to bear seeing someone's obvious vulnerability. It always bothers me in ball games or other contests that both sides want it so badly, and yet there has to be a loser as well as a winner.
This carries over into my personal outlook on life. I avoid conflict whenever possible. When I was healthy, I always tried to be extremely self-sufficient so that I did not need to depend on other people, giving them the opportunity to disappoint me. This is impossible now, of course, and sometimes I get really depressed about the fact that I require so much daily assistance. It hurts my feelings terribly when someone is hateful to me about something that I need, and then I get angry because I am so helpless.
I need some happy news. I need for things to go well for us for a while. I need to feel hopeful, or maybe even downright carefree, even if it's just for day.
Maybe I just need spring to come ...
:-) Sharon
posted by Sharon | 9:04 PM
1 Comments:
Ahhh...spring, with its warmer air, sunshine, bird chirping, and butterflies flitting...I think we can all use a little bit of spring. Hugs and smiles to you!
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