Friday's Update

You might be ashamed of me because I was not very proactive about the chemo issue today. When I called my doctor's office to find out what I time I need to check into the hospital on Monday, I was told that I am not scheduled for chemo next week and that my next appointment with the doctor is on April 4th. Now, I know I should have protested vehemently at that point and insisted on speaking directly to the doctor today. Instead, I thanked her politely and hung up the phone.

I do feel guilty that I didn't investigate further, because I really don't trust that bunch. I mean, this is the doctor who wanted to test me for meningitis when we all knew the ifosfamide could cause coma (and other central-nervous-system side effects) and had even DISCUSSED it with him just a few days before I started the chemo. This is also the office where the lady who called to scheduled my tests at UT Hospital whispered to the person on the receiving end, "I've never even HEARD of this kind of cancer." Gee, thanks. That's exactly what I want to hear from the REGIONAL CANCER CENTER! I'm not sure that these are the crew that I want at the helm of my cancer-fighting ship. But I just don't know if I have the energy to search for another oncologist right now and start all over again.

So, I admit it, I acquiesced. So sue me. Yes, I know that I can't keep taking breaks, and yes, I know that my secondary insurance is ending on March 31st. But the thought of two weeks of -- NOTHING -- is absolutely exuberating. I'm finally feeling a little better. I actually have the energy to leave the house every now and then. And I can eat fairly well, as long as I avoid things that aggravate my mouth sores.

And just to prove that our whole lives don't revolve about my health, I'll tell you about our day. Don and I took our four daughters and my mother to the mall to shop for Easter dresses. It was a major splurge on our budget, but it's something that I really wanted to do. They have been cheerfully wearing hand-me-downs for so long now, and I wanted them to have something new and pretty and picked-by-them. They all found dresses and shoes -- and a few other items here and there. (I must confess that I even bought a couple of things for myself.) I've been feeling somewhat reckless about things recently. Is it that I am rebelling against all of those years that I spent pinching every penny to keep the family boat afloat on a shoestring budget? Or am I celebrating the fact that I am alive and spring is finally here and we have four beautiful daughters? Either way, I'm sure the financial hangover will hit later in the month -- but I don't care. I loved seeing their happy faces as they tried on dresses and looked for shoes. And I realized as I watched them that they are growing up so fast, and even if I live to be 100 years old I won't always have them here with me like this.

For a little while, I reveled in the wonder of daughters and spring dresses and motherhood. Even though my bald, tumor-laden head was lurking beneath a handkerchief, I wasn't a cancer patient. In spite of our ever-shrinking bank balance, I wasn't a penny-pincher. For a few hours, I was a woman and a shopper and a mother.

It was a much-needed mini-vacation from the daily nightmare of my life with cancer.

:-) Sharon