Three Years and One Dip Later ...

June 4th was the three-year anniversary of the day the cancer shattered my right femur and put me in a wheelchair from which I have never fully escaped. It's really hard for me to think about myself during that time; I was absolutely terrified. The pain was terrible, the doctor had (correctly) predicted that the bone would never fully heal, and I was left to adjust to a hospital bed and to teach myself to use a walker because the pt group that handled my case managed to see me 4 times out of 18 scheduled visits. Don and I didn't know what we were doing carewise -- all I knew was that I NEVER wanted to hurt like that again, and avoiding pain became my new goal in life. Our home was not the least bit wheelchair-accessible. We had to add a driveway in the back yard for the ambulances and our van in order for me to be able to safely leave the house.

It was, of course, the gateway to some very dark chapters of my health. Certainly in retrospect it is nowhere near the worst of the many ordeals I have experienced the past three years. Still, it has the distinction of being the first real deterioration of my quality of life due to cancer. It was a harbinger of things to come, and the abrupt end of any innocence that remained about the gravity of my cancer diagnosis.

Since it was the anniversary of "the fall", I decided it would be the perfect day to face my fear of getting into (and OUT OF) the pool again. So, I put on my bathing suit and Don drove me down to the neighborhood pool. I didn't have any problems getting in, but I could tell that my legs are weaker than they were when I swam last summer. The water was still somewhat crisp, but not bad if I kept moving. I walked, did some exercises, and swam for a whole hour. Then, with the help of my trusty cane and the pool rail, I climbed out without incident. Yahoo!

Yesterday morning, every muscle in my body ached. I was actually happy -- no, not because I was suffering, you bunch of smarty-pants! I was happy because this proves just how beneficial the pool will be for me. Can you imagine how good it is for my body to be off of the chair, in the water, and in constant motion for one or two hours? I can also tell that it still has psychological benefits, too, because I find myself craving it again already. I was hoping to go tonight, but life intervened.

We have been desperately seeking a reliable used car in our price range (haha) for Lacey's 18th birthday in two weeks. We have also been looking for a replacement for Autumn's blazer, which has no air conditioning AND broken power window controls -- very unsafe in this heat. Well, believe it or not, we found BOTH of them one today. We had asked my FIL to check out a car that a man at our church had for sale on his lot. Before he could contact him, the man returned our call this morning. Don and Eric went to the lot, met the man's partner, test-drove the car, made an offer that we could afford, and purchased the car. A short while later, my FIL stopped by there, only to be told by the partner (who doesn't know any of us) that the car had already sold. So he told my FIL about a great deal they had on a one-owner car that was very reliable. When FIL arrived at our house to tell us about the second car, he learned that Don had already purchased the first one. He then recommended that we purchase the other one, too, as a replacement for Autumn's vehicle. So, Don, FIL, and Autumn went back to the car lot, test-drove the second one, and purchased it, too. It has working air conditioning, and -- get this -- manual-crank windows. Autumn was so happy!

On top of this, we are dealing with our crisis-du-jour: one of our kids stuffed a bunch of straws down the sink drain. Don, unaware of the straws and having tried everything he could think of to fix the sink, finally took a plunger to it. The straws came out, but the pipes under the sink sprang a leak. Additionally, the dishwasher is making a terrible racket when the water drains. SO -- the plumber will be here tomorrow morning to rectify our problems. And, yes, I threw away every straw in the house.

So, the morning of car purchases combined with the afternoon of appointments and errands, the kitchen conundrum, and the stifling heat completely sapped my energy. It's probably a good thing that I didn't go this evening anyway, because an unexpected storm came up without warning. Since I can't get out very quickly and my wheelchair has a metal frame, I don't want to get caught in the pool in inclement weather.

Life has been very hectic this week, and I can't predict that it will settle down very much during the next few weeks. Still, I'm thankful for the fact that the chemo has not slowed me as much as I had feared. I am looking forward to getting that last treatment behind me next Friday, so that I can concentrate on enjoying this very busy month of our lives.

Maybe I can live hard enough and happy enough to put the cancer completely out of my mind for a while. Maybe, instead of trying to avoid pain, my new top goal can be to concentrate on FEELING every minute of life.

I can try, right?

:-) Sharon