Hello Darkness, My Old Friend ...

My worst fears were confirmed yesterday: the spinal tumor is back, with a vengeance. It has filled the cavity from T7- T9, wrapped around my spinal cord, and is blocking 70% of the neurological signals to my lower body. Weakness is starting to set in, and the pain is horrific.

And so, the nightmare begins again.

I am hoping for an appointment with my neurosurgeon at Vanderbilt next week to discuss the possibility of another surgery. In the meantime, I went to the regional cancer center today to look into a procedure called Tomotherapy. It is an extremely targeted type of radiation, similar to a cyberknife. There would be some risk involved to my spinal cord because of the fact that it was previously radiated (January 2006).

As part of the prep today, they had me lie down on a CT scan table with a blue beanbag-looking thing under me. After positioning me exactly as they wanted, the pumped air into the blue thing to make a mold of my body. This is done so that I will be in the exact same position for each treatment, lowering the risk of accidental damage to the spine. I was a little freaked out by it. It was very confining. But then came the worst part of the ordeal: They taped a large piece of clear plastic (ala Saran Wrap) over me from my feet to my chin, then used a vacuum device to suck all of the air out to further restrict movement during the treatment. Essentially, I was shrink-wrapped in a blue mold. By this point, I was extremely freaked out. I was so thankful when at last they came to help me up and off of the table.

Now that I am home in my trusty old chair, I have finally calmed down again. I can't say that I even have a preference right now between surgery and radiation. I'm too shell-shocked at the news that the tumor is back and too overwhelmed physically by the pain and grueling tests to be objective about it. Clearly, another surgery would be very difficult for me; but, it might be possible to completely remove the tumor and give me another start. Radiation is less traumatic (not counting the vacuum-sealing), but less guaranteed than surgery. The very best course of action might actually be both: surgery, followed by a course of "preventive' radiation.

Right now, it's just so much to absorb. I just simply cannot believe that this is happening. Again. Already.

I will keep you updated as soon as further arrangements are made.

:- Sharon